Gathering Flowers by Jillian Winters

I was fortunate to be born in a time and place where there is an abundance of food and opportunities for many people. But I have often felt a lack of belonging and emotional safety throughout my life.

Being an empath and a highly sensitive person means that I feel deeply the subtle violence of hurrying through tasks and the overwhelm of too many balls in the air. I feel deeply both the sting of rejection and the satisfying hum of attunement in relationships.

​For several years my counseling work has emphasized slowing down and connecting with the wise heart through loving-kindness practices. This has been my own personal medicine to thrive in the fecundity of a meaningful modern life. I start my day with an awareness of what matters most to my heart.

I have a vision of mindful self-compassion practice circles based on the work of Drs. Kristin Neff and Chris Germer where people can come together and practice a loving-kindness, metta, or mindful self-compassion meditation. Having community support while cultivating a loving presence and developing skills to self-soothe and comfort ourselves through life's challenges sounds like a good idea. I might put this into action. 

Did you know that spending time in a flow state is good for your well-being?

​Join me in a fully stocked Open Studio event at Expressive Arts Burlington every other Tuesday evening from 6:30 to 8:30 pm. Or join from the comfort of your own home through zoom. Listen to a curated playlist and create without an agenda. We begin with a poem and end our time with an optional share-and-witness practice. Donation based and only four more dates this summer. You can use the registration link below. Bring a friend. Looking forward to creating with you!

June 18th, July 16th, August 6th, and August 20th

Here is the registration link: 
https://expressiveartsburlington.com/open-studio-registration-2/

photo credit: Claire Jones

Since September last year I have been working toward a certificate in psychedelic assisted therapies through the California Institute of Integral Studies. As I edit the final paper, I am thinking a lot about what I've learned and what I wish to do next. One of my peers shared a quote by T.S. Elliot who said, "We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."  

There have been aspects of this journey that have looped me around to a familiar place, but from a different perspective, as if some mysterious gravitational pull makes the return inevitable. 

I feel a renewed sense of appreciation in the basic skills of mindfulness and mindful self-compassion. These skills have been fundamental for my self-care and for many of my clients’ therapeutic work. I see how they will continue to be important, vital actually, in the years ahead.

I feel a deepening respect for the basic skills of person-centered therapy and the gift of just being a real human being with another real human being. There will always be fancy interventions, therapeutic techniques, and things to “do” as a counselor, but the skill of sitting with someone and centering their humanity will continue to be fundamental in the work ahead.

I have a new appreciation for the gift of grief and grieving. The ability to sit with grief—mine and my clients—is like hearing an old tune with a new understanding. And I respect grief's role in our collective unfolding.

I am poised to wrap up the certificate program and feel grateful for the new friends, the groundedness of clinical skills, and the realization that I know myself better than I did before the start. And just like a psychedelic journey, I have more questions than answers, but I think I’ll stop there and go for a walk in the woods and let it all be a mystery. And a gift. 

This weekend is the 5 year anniversary of my ski accident where I broke my leg and the emergency surgery where something went wrong. It has been 5 years since I had the full functioning of my left foot and it has changed my life to say the least. I've had some time to reflect on the shifts and have found a new understanding of what wholeness feels like and a deep reservoir of compassion for living life. This informs my work with clients who are going through any kind of difficult transition or medical trauma.

In an interview on the On Being podcast, Matthew Sanford says, "The places we don't feel in ourselves are graceful, not lost. They are not absence, they are presence." I feel this deeply right now as I type. I was catapulted into this new relationship with my body by an acquired disability. There are things I can no longer do like run, downhill ski, and certain yoga poses and that is a true loss. I've learned to be an advocate for my body and emotions and don't feel like I need to be "fixed" or that I am "broken" in any way. I may not ever get full functioning back, but there has been a beautiful healing transformation in my being. I am learning about the aliveness that lives in the quiet, deep, stillness of my foot. 

Caroline Myss writes, "We are not meant to stay wounded. We are supposed to move through our tragedies and challenges and to help each other move through the many painful episodes of our lives. By remaining stuck in the power of our wounds, we block our own transformation. We overlook the greater gifts inherent in our wounds — the strength to overcome them and the lessons that we are meant to receive through them. Wounds are the means through which we enter the hearts of other people. They are meant to teach us to become compassionate and wise."

Aging and death is inevitable, but what if we are meant to be empowered and connected through that fact. Perhaps there are gifts and strengths inside challenging experiences if we choose to look for them. 

Stillness after the storm, East Fairfield, Vermont

Across time and culture, humans have demonstrated the ability to navigate life challenges. Along with support from family, friends, community, and trained healers, we have 'inner resources' that help us when we're stuck.

Examples of inner resources are: imagination, compassion, equanimity, courage, presence, trust, creativity, gratitude, paying attention, intuition, wisdom, objectivity, passion, humor, curiosity, meaning making and more. What inner resource(s) do you recognize that are not listed? Which are you most likely and least likely to employ?

Einstein said, "you cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." So does that mean give up when you hit a wall? A pause might be wise, but we can employ these natural inner resources such as imagination and objectivity to alter the current mindset and illuminate more options. 

I am also open to the idea that these innate inner resources have 'entelechy' or a guiding principle toward wholeness and healing. In my practice (somewhere at the intersection of creative expression, self-compassion, and eco-therapy) the 'inner resources' are called upon and trusted to facilitate a change in consciousness to unstick what is stuck.​

spring morning haiku

golden yellow sun
fog lifts off the tender growth
wet after the rain

jw 4/25/23

Galentine, Jillian Winters, 2023

A love letter for the women in my life known and unknown. Yes, YOU. You know who you are.

YOU who are transforming, birthing, reclaiming, howling, creating, destroying, belly-laughing, shedding, dancing, resting, IN-joying, speaking, singing, loving, rewilding, receiving, grieving, sweating, grounding, flowing, screaming, self-nourishing, snorting, leading, channeling, journeying, painting, forgiving, gestating, healing, releasing.

I see you. I love you. I thank you. I celebrate you. I am you.

Happy Galentine's Day, 
Jillian

Nazare, Portugal
​photo credit: Joshua Winters